Rapper Hunger Games With Drake, Kanye West, Iggy Azalea, Chief Keef & Nicki Minaj: Who Would Win?

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With the "The Hunger Games: Mocking Jay Pt.1" raking in over 123 million dollars over the weekend, Hunger Games fever is at an all-time high.

The influx of Hunger mania comes with a variety of interesting questions.

How would you fare in a battle to the death? Who will marry Katniss in the end? Would a loner like her even get married? Why do we even care?

While all of those questions are definitely worth pondering (especially the last one), a pop culture enthusiast might ask something more existential: Which rapper would win the Hunger Games? It might be a bit of a stretch to call the question existential, but it's definitely fun to think about.

How might Drake's velvety, atmospheric soundscape give him a decisive advantage? Can Nicki Minaj seduce her competition? Will Kanye put out another classic album? Other than being utterly offensive, is Iggy Azalea actually a threat to anyone? Does Chief Keef get to use a gun?

Below are ESPN-styled scouting reports detailing each combatant's strengths, weaknesses, and finally, an account of their hypothetical battle. Without further adieu, I present to you the first annual Rapper Games: 'May the odds be ever in your favor':

Iggy Azalea

Strengths: Iggy is in fantastic physical condition. Years of touring have given her outstanding endurance, and a figure any woman would die for. Based on her twerking exploits at concerts, she appears to have above average agility. Although her lanky frame isn't ideally suited for combat, her length gives her an advantage, as she would be able to punch from further away. She is also a native of Australia, which is fairly rural.

Might be well-adjusted to the battle ground's rough climate.
Weaknesses: While she is in great shape, she is still fairly thin and would be overpowered if engaged in hand-to-hand combat. She doesn't appear to have a background with fire-arms or any sort of weaponry, so the games would be a learning experience.

Nicki Minaj might not like her.

She might be the least popular person at the games.
Weapons: Nunchucks
Outcome: Iggy overestimates her popularity, fails to make any meaningful connections (even though she sleeps with Chief Keef) with the other fighters, and they all decide to kill her within the first few minutes.

Nicki Minaj

Strengths: Nicki's thickness grants her power and like Iggy, touring has given her amazing endurance. She has supreme confidence in her abilities. Coming from Queens NY, she has had no choice but to be tough. Her conditioning and aggressiveness level the playing field with her male competitors. She can take a punch. Her incredible artistic vision and knowledge of makeup gives her a superior understanding of camouflage. She has a background in theater, which means she's a good liar and can play dead. She is arguably the most popular contestant.
Weaknesses: Despite her inner-city background, Nicki doesn't seem to have much familiarity with firearms.

She is the shortest of the contestants.
Weapons: Throwing knives
Outcome: Nicki really doesn't like Iggy Azalea, so she suggests that the contestants kill her first. After this she narrowly escapes being eaten by a mountain lion and hides in the woods. Once there, she sees a familiar face; it's Drake. Although there are no teams in The Rapper Games, the two are comfortable with each other and sleep in a cave.

Unfortunately for Nicki, Drake is secretly very upset that she won't marry him, so he decides to take her down. He doesn't kill her, but instead uses a paralysis agent and tells her to play dead.

She does, and she loses.


Strengths: Surprisingly, Drake is the strongest person in this competition. A quick trip to Instagram reveals that sessions with his personal trainer have paid dividends for the young superstar. On "5 Am in Toronto" Drake raps "Tony got me pushing two plates". Two 45 pound plates on each side of a standard bench pressing bar is 225 pounds. That is a definitely a solid amount, and considering that he released that song almost two years ago, it's safe to assume he's gotten stronger since.

Although he is not known for his toughness, he was responsible for a club-scuffle that left Chris Brown with some nasty scratches. He's also the tallest contestant.
Weaknesses: Drake simply isn't a natural born fighter. He comes from an upper-middle class background and doesn't have the raw aggression to come out on top.
Weapons: Blow gun (because it looks like a mini-flute)
Outcome: Drake is riding high after the defeat of his Young Money compatriot when he sees Kanye standing atop a cliff staring at a waterfall.

Somehow sensing the rapper's (ARGUABLY) declining status as an icon, Drake is emboldened and decides to mount an all-out assault.

Seeing Drizzy running toward him, Yeezy simply vanishes as Drake falls off of the cliff and into a pit of panthers. He is eaten alive.


Strengths: Kanye has a solid build and a growing fight resume. Last year, he attacked a man for insulting his wife. Before that, he fought a cameraman. Although both opponents were at a considerable disadvantage, the fights still lend a bit of credibility to Yeezy's warrior mentality. Years of production have given him amazing sequencing skills. Those combined with his ability to design cool shoes mean that Kanye can create impressive makeshift weapons.

Years of doing shows has granted him good endurance. His tendency to self-mythologize along with his incredible catalogue makes him more of an idea than a man to other contestants. On some level or another, they all look up to him.
Weaknesses: Being the fashion obsessed narcissist he is, Kanye gets too caught up in the pageantry of the games.

While conventional wisdom would tell you that keeping a low-profile works best, Kanye stands atop a cliff wearing a flamboyant piece from his APC collection and absorbs the attention. For someone as artistically inclined as Kanye, a gun is too crude a weapon to use.

He opts for something more obscure, and frankly, less pragmatic. This makes him vulnerable.
Weapon: Sense of self/Arrogance/Pit of Panthers
Outcome: Not yet...

Chief Keef

Strengths: Coming from one of the most notorious gangs in Chi-raq, it could be argued that Keef has seen things that make "The Hunger Games" look civilized. Chicago has one of the highest crime rates in all of America, and its projects are similar to third world countries. Keef might feel at home in a setting as barbaric as The Rapper Games. Keef doesn't appear to a have a conscience. He thinks nothing of violence, as evidenced by his posting a picture of an uzi and the chain his crew had robbed from a Migos Member. If that weren't enough, Keef was also arrested for aiming a gun at a police officer...when he was 16. Based on his music videos and background with his gang, it can be assumed that Keef has at least some fundamental understanding of how to use a gun.
Weaknesses: Just doesn't seem too smart. He might have some trouble if he loses his gun, because he's the youngest male contestant.

Probably hasn't engaged in too many one on one scuffles because...well, gangs don't do that. He was recently dropped from Interscope. A lack of funds might mean he hasn't been eating as well. He should be weaker from a lack of nutrition.
Weapons: Uzi, lack of a conscience.
Outcome: Keef's lack of a conscience and lack of reverence renders Kanye's theatrics utterly useless.

Instead of charging Kanye like Drake did, he snipes him. Kanye's abnormally thick skull slows the bullet just enough for him to utter the words "this is a beautiful death".

Accepting his fate, Kanye hurls himself into the pit of panthers. He is eaten alive.

Ultimately, Chief Keef's sheer savagery enabled his victory. Nicki and Iggy were too trusting to succeed. Drake was too dramatic and forgot that he could have simply used his blow gun. Kanye was too Kanye.

Chief Keef is the winner of this year's annual Rapper Games.