Graceland Season 2, Episode 1 Recap: The Line and How Everyone Dies

Last night on Graceland we learned a few thing: Paul still feels guilty for killing Jangles, Mike still has a death wish, and Johnny likes to steal all the travel mugs.

Since this was really the set-up for a season of pain, and do I ever enjoy that, below are my predictions for how everyone dies by the season finale. Fingers crossed!

You hear that, Graceland writers? Got some free ideas for you below.

Mike: He goes out in a typical heroic death, saving a puppy while taking down the cartel that smuggles drugs via passenger bus. He is mourned by his many girlfriends and friend and a half and his desk is given to someone who is less of a waste of time.

And doesn't have orange nipples. Get it together, makeup department. (Or maybe that's just my screen...)

Paul: Paul (who I like to refer to as "not as hot Brandon Bollig") atones for killing Jangles by taking down the Kaza cartel. He dies in a hail of bullets and gets to do a deathbed confession to...

Charlie: Charlie is the only one of the six here to live. After bearing witness to not-as-hot-as-Brandon-Bollig's deathbed confession, she goes deep undercover at her tattoo-artist job.

Despite having no training she generates enough of a buzz in the ink community that she is featured at Ink Magazine, and soon gets a guest spot on Miami Ink.

She opens her own shop and moonlights for the FBI as an informant, but generally becomes much more entrenched in the life of a tattooist than she ever thought she could, living happily - and colorfully - after.

Jessica played by the incomparable Emily Rose: Jess is sent on a routine job to chase down a con in Haven, Maine, and discovers that she is actually a woman from the time of the pilgrims under a curse by Native Americans.

She is doomed to return to the town again and again and again to deal with The Troubles until she has left Graceland for good.

Johnny: Paige kills him for taking too many travel mugs. He bitches about it even as she is stabbing him. Everyone is incredibly sad.

Paige and Dale and 'Bater (ew, what a name): All three of them die in an explosion along with a number of almost-extras. It is extremely tragic and no one spares a moment to mourn their deaths.

While nothing in this episode supports my theories, I am confident that my predictions will come to fruition.