TV Review: Hostages Season 1 Episode 14 "Suspicious Minds" & Episode 15 "End Game" - Season Finale

So CBS decided to air the last two episodes - "Suspicious Minds" and "End Game" back to back. Might as well go down guns blazing, right? I warn you a lot of the nonsense they pulled in these episodes made zero sense.

I will do my best to get us both through it. Let's dive in.

The show picks up right where it left off - the NSA guy has intercepted Duncan's wife and daughter. This causes Duncan to call Archer and cancel his order to kill Sandrine (who had already been lured into a warehouse by Archer). Instead she's brought back and choked up against a wall, where Duncan reveals he knows she's a traitor.

She is tasked with finding his wife.

Sandrine meets with Logan, the person who flipped her to begin with, and gives him a bunch of pills saying Duncan's wife needs them for her medical condition.

It also contained a tracking chip so Duncan could track where the pills ended up.

The next sequence was the best sequence of the show. As Brian and Morgan were driving to meet up with Jake, Morgan picks up on someone who she thinks is following them. As they stop at a rest stop, Morgan goes into what we think is the ladies room. The man follows eventually, with a gun.

As he checks all the stalls, Brian walks in and shoots the man. Later it was revealed that Morgan and Brian had a plan, and it was the men's room that Morgan hid in.

The way it was shot and cut together was subtle in all the right places.

It also had probably the most tension the show has ever achieved.

The fact that a simple scene with two guns and two bathrooms got the most tension doesn't bode well for this "high octane" thriller involving the NSA, government and Presidential assassinations.

Duncan, Kramer and Sandrine raid the house the tracker showed. Sandrine ends up saving both of them, leading to more "We can't kill her yet, we need her" speeches from Duncan. Snore. Kramer finds out the house belongs to the First Lady's sister.

Duncan confronts her in a parking lot and she gives some rambling speech about how the NSA guy is their common enemy, or something. Sure. Now they're gonna team up. Duncan tells Sandrine she now has to kill him.

But not before some horrible dialogue! A teary Sandrine (not a knock on the actress, I think she's quite good - and shined in House of Cards.

But even she can't escape this poison that is Hostages) delivered this bit of dialogue to Kramer about her flipping:

"I know I can't justify what happened. And I know you won't believe me. I just wanted to tell you I'm sorry, and that I still care about you."

Okay, sure. If that's true, then this should have been said right after:

"But not enough to tell you that I was going to blow you up after this was all said and done."

Because that's what the plot was pointing towards. Now, I didn't really buy them as a "couple", or whatever. But it still didn't make sense that she was all teary about this guy and how she's fallen for him, but then agreed to blow him up to save her son.

If Hostages made her agree to this, then tell Kramer and together they worked through this, I would be on board.

But for some reason the show can't do tension to save their life. Instead they go: "the original hostage takers must flip on each other! Even if they profess their love in a previous episode! Boom, plot twist!"

No, Hostages.

"Suspicious Minds" ends with Morgan and Brian arriving to Jake's safe house only to find Jake being held hostage (sorry) by Archer with a gun. *Falls asleep instantly*.

"End Game" is where things can be only described as vapid filth. Now Duncan (apparently realizing how it made no sense to begin with) doesn't want to kill the President, just get his bone marrow during surgery.

He fails to tell Archer (who knows?) so Archer is still holding the family hostage when the episode starts off. Good thing he doesn't own a phone and can't call Duncan to ask what is going on.

The first lady's sister helps lure the NSA guy into a room with Duncan and Sandrine. Duncan secures his family at gunpoint before there is some banter between them. The NSA guy says they should film a video together incriminating themselves as insurance that they both won't come after each other.

After they agree, he starts to walk away before grabbing a frying pan and knocking out Sandrine. Which doesn't make any sense - unless he was a world class frying pan thrower with a reaction time faster than pulling a trigger, there was no way he was going to knock out both of them.

So Duncan shoots him, even after an on the nose horrible phone call with his wife promising he wouldn't kill anyone else. Whoops.

So the surgery. You know, the scene that this whole show has been building up to. The team that Duncan hired a few episodes ago pumps some gas into the vents (because surgery rooms have a ton of those) that apparently acts like dangerous gas but is harmless.

Whatever, it already was stupid. This causes Logan to instruct his guys who are in the surgery room to evacuate.

After Logan is the only one in the room with Ellen thinking the plan is ready to kill the President, she sticks him with a needle.

Because why kill him when you can just take a bone marrow sample while he's under anesthesia, right? RIGHT?

The power gets shut off to stop pumping the "bad" smoke, and the generators come on. Scary.

There's gunshots and demands for a password, like the surgery room is some secret 7th grade hang out spot for cool kids only.

All during this time, Ellen is able to secure a bone marrow sample.

Good thing there wasn't an observation deck, or video surveillance, or the army wasn't storming in on her, or the national guard, or you know ANYONE ELSE OTHER THAN 8 SECRET SERVICE PEOPLE?

Good thing the First Lady and Ellen were able to do the exchange of bone marrow in front of a dozen people. Makes sense.

Good thing Ellen was able to leave a Hospital where she was the lead surgeon on the surgery of the President that ended in a firefight in the hallway. She definitely wouldn't be held after for questioning. No, definitely not.

Archer now is upset at Duncan for not being in on the new plan. I am too, since it doesn't make any since for him not to be. But hey, there I go again being logical and stuff. Archer and Duncan fight, Kramer shoots Archer.

I don't care. Except for maybe the actor, who I have seen die in Dexter, The Following, and now this. He's a good actor too. Sons of Anarchy is the only show smart enough to keep him around.

The President wakes up and the First Lady and her sister know about the cover up with Duncan's wife, the rape, and the murder of the First Lady's brother. Again, don't care.

There's some weird romantic tension as Duncan and Ellen split ways. He kisses her on the cheek (why not?) and she is about ready to cry her eyes out again as she leaves. I don't get it.

Kramer tells Sandrine he's going wherever she's going - which is apparently to see her son. Okay, cool.

Make sure she gets on a better show Kramer, she's too good of an actress for this kind of show. Oh and uh, good luck to you too, man.

The family reunites in the house after the NSA guy is dead, meaning they don't have to run anymore. Duncan turns himself into the police station. Why? I gotta stop asking that question.

My nightmare is over. Hopefully this was the series finale, and not season finale.

I'm sure Jerry Bruckheimer can find something else to put his name on.

If it's back, I will revisit it out of morbid curiosity. The only thing left to do here is have them all live in one weird house and start a cult.

Talk about appointment television!

Photo Credit: TV Equals