3 Things In Episode 2 of Crossbones To Watch Out For

Crossbones is back tonight and here's what to expect:

1). John Malkovich takes his role on a cheesy NBC drama waaaay too seriously.

We all know the story of Blackbeard, AKA Edward Teach.

In fact, half of us were probably him for Halloween at some point, and did a damn fine job representing the spirit of what may have been the nastiest pirate to live.

Malkovich, on the other hand, came out of semi-retirement to play an aged Blackbeard (whose beard is no longer black. Talk about false advertising) and brings his over-enunciation of every word to his latest role. Don't get me wrong -- I like it.

There's way too much murder in this show for a lighthearted, fun role.

Seriously, in the first six minutes of the opening episode one guy's throat gets slit in a spectacular fashion, a doctor saws a patient's arm off with no anesthesia and kills a wimpy-looking inventor, and countless non-pirate people get stabbed.

Malkovich's commitment to creepiness and sociopathy clinches the show. His Blackbeard raises the hairs on the back of your neck and simultaneously makes you snort at his snide little jokes. It is a serious delight.

2.) Casting diversity. What, what!

We have three main female characters (and two of them are women of color!) to the three main male characters, one of whom is disabled. Thank goodness this show isn't making me want to tear my hair out of my head and wear it as a moustache.

I wouldn't look good with facial hair.

The ladies are my favorite parts, bar none, as we haven't been able to explore many characters besides the two able-bodied white men yet.

(Hmmph.) Tracey Ifeachor, Claire Foy, and Yasmine Elmasri respectively play a pirate, a "fugitive from justice" as our main character intones darkly and a genius code-cracker. Hooray for ladies living outside the law!

3.) Violence on an almost constant level.

The special effects crew spared no package of fake blood in the making of this series.

Seriously. This show cannot go 10 minutes without someone's fingers being burned, throat being slit, a hanging, shooting, poisoning or stabbing, or some pretty graphic threats involved.

Aside from the violence, there's a bit of mind-fuckery involed, too. Blackbeard sees things that are not there and gives himself a fantastic acupuncture halo.

All in all, this is a tremendously enjoyable show, even while being ridiculous as all get-out.