INSTAGRAM POWER RANKINGS @freshandbones

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Stephanie Pereida

I always base Instagram success by whose kids would be least embarrassed if they looked at their mom's page.

I'm not a complete asshole - only 90 percent asshole, 10 percent nice. Again, the world's fault, not mine. No one starts out an asshole. It takes a lot of energy to be mad.

Happiness is relaxing by contrast. Like my metaphorical idol Gza said, "Unnecessary beef is more cows to breed." Anger is a calorie burner. It's no one's default.

Where was I ... ah yes...

I'm not a complete asshole so 10 percent of me can understand the magnetic pull and need for attention so great that you need to take a picture of your face.

And post it on social medial. And say 10 Hail Mary's, full of grace for likes and comments and love from strangers.

I totally understand that actually. That's why I became a handsome model. Well after looking at myself and realizing I was better looking than everyone else. It was definitely a 1-2 punch. Like Canseco - McGwire.

Even regular looking people take selfies.

It such an odd thing to think about.

People like Chiara Ferragni and Alli Simpson get so many comments on selfies about how beautiful they are when they might be average looking at best if God is having a good day.

If your brain thinks Chiara Ferragni is beautiful then what do you think when you see a picture of Miranda Kerr?????

The only response that makes sense to me is that you think Miranda Kerr is ugly. Because she is so different looking than Chiara Ferragni that they both can't be described the same.

That's why I always ask people when they fix me up on blind dates, "pretty compared to who". You think your friend is pretty but what is your concept of beauty? I need your comment framed.

Anyway, back to Steph.

Her instagram has no weak links. It's like a flawless victory in Mortal Kombat. I know I like a girl when I like things about her that I ordinarily hate about other girls.

Hell even her name is fly. Her food pictures are cool. Her manicure pictures are cool.

I like her selfies. In fact, she's the only person I wished there were more pictures of her face. That's what got her on this list.

I'm probably in love. Or at least something similar.

She's not only beautiful though. with her honey eyes and her porcelain skin. But she has personality and flair.

Her pictures almost look like every post was preplanned in advance. Like a master chess player. It looks more like an Tumblr than an Instagram.

Now I know what you're thinking, "Tyler, I think you just love her body and wish she was your girlfriend and everything else about her seems awesome because she's just this super hot fantasy girl whose life you watch play out in pictures from afar."

That is a completely reasonable thing to think and I must admit, you might be right. I don't know.

xo

http://instagram.com/freshandbones

photo credit: Steph's phone timer (I think)